My original intention for this writing was to go over (again) about a few more movies I've seen in the past day or so. But with my present circumstance, I'm afraid the norm will have to be put on hold for the moment. I'm afraid the mixture of cough syrup and a severe lack of good rest have left my mind in a bit of a state. It is disappointing really, I had hoped to do some writing during this brief moment of freedom.
No, instead this writing takes a turn of a different kind and one that examines something I tend not to write about. Life or to be more precise, family. I don't generally write nor talk about my family, not because of a wanting desire of anonymity, but more because there just isn't anything to say. I have never been a close 'family' person and truth be told I spent most of my years estranged from them all.
Then a few days ago, Saturday I believe, I get a call from home. My mother. She shares with me that my 'grandmother' from my father's side of the family has passed away on her birthday of all days. The question came to be: Did I want to come home to attend her funeral?
Ah, thus the conflict began, even while I heard my voice utter the word "no."
I am not a cruel and heartless person, at least I would like to presume I am not. You see, I have not seen nor heard from anyone from this side of the family in over ten years now. Not a card nor call to be had in all of that time and to me, my relation to these people was merely by my last name. And their treatment of my dad during his last days....
Anyway, my thinking of all this was this: Considering how none of us even knew she had passed away (this happened on the 3rd), only that my mom had caught word of it from a friend of hers, who is amongst my dad's family somewhere. Even during such times, not even a call could be spared.
Interesting enough, they remembered my mom fully well when they needed money a few years ago. Lovely bunch wouldn't you say?
Sorry, the point and idea behind writing all of this was simply to spread out my thoughts before my own eyes. The funeral was today, if I am not mistaken. Should I have set aside the past and attended? Or was I justified in my anger?
Perhaps this choice I have made will be one that I'll regret for the rest of my days. Needless to say, I will spend the coming days and what thoughts I can in devotion to this. Maybe one day my question will be answered.
Was I right? Or was I wrong?
2 comments:
Unfortunately, there's no answer to your question. At least not by anyone but you. Only you know if you made the right decision.
Family is a funny thing. Personally, I am close with most of my family. Not always, but that's normal. I've held grudges and I've let things go. I always did whatever felt right at the time.
A month or so ago, I was having a conversation with my boss about family and she said something that was kind of funny to me... "Family members aren't like friends. Sometimes you have to remember that you can't choose your family." For some weird reason in all my 35 years of life so far, I had never thought of that. When I look at my family in that light, it helps me.
I always wondered what life would have been like if I were close to my family. Would I be happier today? It was always weird and awkward to be the "black sheep" of the family. One side chose to push me aside because of my mom was never up to their standards. And my dad's side... eh... I never, ever figured those people out.
Sorry, I think its just me being overly cranky from this cold I have. That always gets the grumpy monster out in me. And on the subject of family? Oh boy, I could be sitting here all week long.
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