Wonder (FFXI)

It is surprising.

Almost scary too.

This is the third consecutive post I've done, which is a lot more then I have done in a long while (Since September it seems). Each time I log in, I stop and wonder: Why am I blogging? What is the purpose of doing this? It is web-based, meaning this is not something that can or will last forever. I know this whole thing could be gone in a heart beat.

I think the reason behind this is the mere fact that I can just write away the time. I think that is what draws me, what compels me to continue this. Surely it could all be over and these words could vanish without so much a trace. But still... again, I think it is that unrefined writer in me that continues to try and escape.

It is with this logic in mind, I believe, is what began to my downfall in the world of Final Fantasy XI. For all of those hours and days and months and years spent, you could lose everything in a second and for all that time spent, what can you show for it?

Nothing.

But during my time there, I became a lot like everyone else around me. I grew attached to the character I was in control of. I was proud at times, disgruntled every other time. The picture above is of my character Alexandor, decked out in his White Mage AF. I'd say that is one of the things I am most proud of, because it certainly was something I did not think I'd ever accomplish. Same goes for Black Mage. Still, I wanted to be the absolute best I could be and at one point I almost got caught up and allowed this game to become more real then it needed to be.

To me, maybe I just need to write this all out to finally get it out of my system. I stopped playing back in September and I haven't really looked back since. After playing for a year, after I tried and tried to convince myself that I am still having fun, I finally gave in. I surely didn't love it, so I left it. I stopped lying to myself and I stopped spending nearly $15 a month on something I no longer enjoyed. With that, every thought of this game just ceased, gone and locked far, far away. That is, until recently...

Maybe it is a sickness? Maybe it truly is an addiction? I can't say for certain, but for a game I believed to have disliked at the end, why is it that I begin to miss it, if only just a little?
I'm starting to think that maybe that saying is true.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

But I know, should I go back today, that I would feel the same way as I did when I left. I don't think any amount of time can ever be enough to help me recapture that love for the game. It just does not seem possible and I think it would be in my best interest not to try. Since leaving, life has turned back around and I think I am finally undoing the damage.

Well I think I will cut short this little rant and call it quits for this little entry. Where did this all come from? I don't know. I think (like I mentioned earlier), I just needed to get these thoughts out there before my eyes. I think I might do one last post tomorrow, just to pay my respects to the character I loved and hated so damn much...