Unsure

Yes I am unsure of life yet again folks and this year has been nothing but a roller coaster ride of crazy. Has that helped my current state of mind at all? Well it has only served to push my brain into a state of confusion, I think. Maybe confusion isn't really the right word for what I am feeling right now. Frustration maybe...

The only thing that bothers me is the feeling like I am not making the kind of progress in life like I should be. I mean I am relatively happy with the way my life is, but I just feel like that there might be more to this yet. What am I growing increasingly tired of is having to work for people who just don't make any sense. Add in the glaring lack of direction, purpose and I think we've got the cake there.

And how do you respond to a boss that walks in and basically tells you whatever work you've done, is absolute shit? It ain't right, it ain't good and guess what? I'll be back real soon to be sure you don't forget that point. I mean I know I could have taken the low road and responded with a suggestion pertaining to taking a certain job position and where might be a ideal place to stick it. But I am one of the many that is desperately in need of keeping this craptacular job, so that plan wouldn't exactly be a bright "career" move.

Maybe what this is is work place politics at it's most lethal form. People throwing their weight around always bothers me. I don't like bosses who only know how to talk, especially when things are down and a leader is needed. I just hate it when a boss will just sit down and bark out orders, rather then jumping in and taking charge of the situation. Work with the peons for fuck's sake! You don't like the way something is, fine. Talk to your people and explain what's wrong and what it is you expect. Hell, listen to what the person has to say and take it from there. Do you need to talk down to everyone? Do you have to make it out like they are all scum that just ain't doing shit for your company?

Or even a supervisor or even a department manager. If your workers missed something or isn't up to par, TALK. Speak the hell up!! How the fuck does it help anyone to NOT talk to the person in question and instead, go behind the person's back and talk shit about them? And since we're at it, if you hate a person or dislike their work so goddamn much, FIRE THEM ALREADY. Don't just drag them through the mud and fucking call them a stupid piece of shit everyday.

How does that kinds of things help steer a company back onto the right track? A people person, these people are not. And just thinking about all of this makes me wonder aloud to myself: What kind of people am I working for exactly?!

And just reading the things that I just wrote proves to me what I was afraid of from the start: I've fallen into that hole, that place where people fall into and just burn themselves out with all of this toxic thoughts. Now don't get me wrong, I tried to make it a point to steer clear of this sort of nonsense, but how do you dodge what comes straight for you? I can't dodge mountains unfortunately and now I'm buried under a ton of bullshit that is driving me insane.

I thought I would be out of this hell by now, but it seems that my lack of a college education has come back to haunt me. Then again, I cannot afford to take classes and the goddamn financial aid system is one of the biggest fucking jokes I've ever seen.

Gah! I'm getting off track with this mindless rage and I'm only pissing myself off more as I am going. Ranting and raving helps my mental state on some days, but today it did not. Great...