Change of Perspective

So after having my monthly break down day, I think it is pretty safe to say that my mind is back to normal and there were some things that have changed in my mind that has altered my perspective on a number of subjects in life. Hell, today I am turning 26 years old... I gotta start thinking about me and where the hell I am going in this crazy world.

For one thing, I think I am/was getting a little too involved into matters that do not concern me. If there is anything I should have learned is that people will always look out for number one: themselves. It would be stupid and foolish to believe we'd all stand up and back up other people, be it friends or co-workers. That sounds cruel doesn't it? But to expect everyone to back each other up is just setting yourself up to get angry over things outside of your control. Or in my case, outside of my control.

And I suppose with the way the world is nowadays, no one can really risk their jobs, regardless of how shitty the job might be or whatever the circumstances are.

My conclusion? While it sucks that seemingly nice people are getting fired, I cannot allow that to negatively affect me and my life. I just don't have the space to accommodate such things and trying to do so will only bring me down and that just ain't cool. So I'm just going to have to re-double my efforts and try and keep my head down and do the work in front of me as best as I can and hope for the best.

One consistent factor so far this year has been us (my girlfriend and I) with our backs to the wall. It has just been one thing after another and it just sucks! I don't know how else to say it other then it just flat out sucks right now. But what else can we do with these cards that have been dealt to us? I know the truth of the matter is a lot of our present hardships have everything to do with the fact that we just did not make smart choices and the effects of those are just dropping on our heads one after another.

The best solution my simple little brain can think up? We've already made the bad choices, so how we've just gotta weather the storm and just keep pushing forward. I just can't think of any other way of dealing with these things then just to keep going forward and keeping the hope that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.

I know its life and we all must endure through tough times, but I gotta say this... sucks having to grow up. Which is kind of funny in a way, I mean considering how I know I spent my fair share of time thinking about how great it would be to leave home and do things my way and not having to listen to how things should be, etc, etc.

But having gotten here and spending the better part of the last 5 years slowly going further and further down the drain has opened my eyes to some serious truth: It sure as hell ain't easy, this growing up and life stuff. There is no amount of lectures and nothing in any school that can ever really prepare you for the reality of things.

If I could travel back to the past, I know the one thing I would do is find myself and slap myself stupid. Or maybe slap myself smart and just tell me to make better choices from the get go. I mean with knowledge like that, who knows what today would have been like?