Tonight is one of those nights for me, the kind that just seems to slow to a snail's pace. With all of this extra time, I find that my mind (as it usually does) has begun to wander and when it wanders, it remembers. That last line does sound bad, huh? But that is the absolute truth folks. On a typical day, my mind is usually everywhere else besides the past. For me personally, it helps sometimes to not actively remember those things because I think I'd end up being homesick if I think about it for too long.
Which makes tonight an extra long one, for reasons which I shall attempt to explain.
God, it's been what? Five years since I graduated from high school? I suppose five years isn't really that long when one thinks about it. But man, how the time just flies by when you lose sight of it. Before long, it'll be ten years and I'm going to be an old bag by then.
Five years... and I can't say that I have done all that much in the accomplishment department. Yeah, I live on my own with my girlfriend. No, I haven't made any reasonably serious attempt at college. On the flip side, I have experienced certain parts of life that have made me somewhat wiser and I suppose the challenges of trying to live life without a college degree have given me a glimpse of what life could be like, should I continue to make no real efforts.
Don't get me wrong though, I mean my present job isn't the greatest in all of the world, but it pays the bills and the position I am in is what I wanted. At this stage in my life, I'd rather keep active and moving and not sitting behind of a desk or something like that.
To kind of go back to the beginning, this whole thing about thinking about the past came up tonight while I was looking around MySpace. I went down the lists of old classmates and man, how the years have changed everyone. Not all of them were friends, but I knew them all and to see the differences tends to be a little mind boggling.
I even saw a friend or two that I used to play Counter-Strike with in high school (I mean that literally too, we had class room LAN battles far too many times to count). I miss those days, when it was all about fun and not having to worry about anything else.
On the subject, I remember it was during those days when I began to develop an actual "taste" in music. Hell, the song that helped me pick up onto listening to new and different music was Linkin Park's "Runaway." Just listening to it now takes me back... wow that was so incredibly corny...
And so now, with a mind full of memories, I think I'm going to bring this one to it's end. Just thinking about the past is, in fact, making me miss home with every passing second. Then again, the home I remember isn't anything near what it is now. Friends are long gone, carried away on the seas of life. What remains is just a memory or two, that's all that is left to cling to...
Maybe today, I'll make a promise to myself that I can actually keep for once. To be, at the very least, a better friend then I have been these past years. For reasons I won't entirely get into now, I think this promise to myself will be much easier said then done. And for once, I do hope I am wrong.
No comments:
Post a Comment