I've been feeling a little uninspired lately, both in writing and in life. I don't know what it is or why I've come to this point, but it is a little irritating to me. What I would like to do is take a trip, vacation or just anything where I could just spend a few days knowing work isn't right around the corner.
Wouldn't everyone love to do that every now and then?
More then ever, I'm feeling like I need to hurry up and find myself a direction in life. I don't want to be the guy who, at the age of 30, is still doing the exact same things as I was in my 20's. Wait, I don't think that came out the way I wanted it to. What I am trying to say is that I just hope by the time I reach my 30s, I'd have made some sort of progress forward in life. I know this stuff is always much easier to say and write, but actually getting there is a whole different story.
I think a part of my growing frustration with life stems from the fact that I realize I really don't have many friends. Actually, I don't really know if I have any at all. I mean we don't hang out or do stuff together like friends would. It is weird for me in that this sort of thing generally does not bother me. Yet it is now. Ugh.
I suppose this sort of thing happens to me much more often whenever I actually stop to think about things outside of the present. I think that would explain why I never really missed home when I left Kona nearly seven years ago. It would be difficult to miss what you never really give a thought to, huh?
But all of this thinking is leading me down a bad way I thinks. I know I'm having a little more trouble with anxieties, which seems to only really bog me down in the morning as I'm heading out to work. It seems that is the prime time for my brain to kick into overdrive and every kind of thought and worry starts blasting through my mind. It isn't fun.
I am thankful that it doesn't hang with me all day long and I am usually fine as when I get onto the bus and ride it out for a few minutes.
Overall, I think I just need to get a grip and sort out the messes in my mind. I feel like I have to get control of my life back first (having two jobs and still not making enough money sucks!), then sort everything else out one problem, one thought at a time.
Tack onto that the fact that I've finally changed the look of this blog from it's darker, gloomier look to this bright white layout. Maybe it'll help? Maybe? Nah, I just want to blind anyone who reads my blog late at night. It'll be bright enough to help land planes I hope...
2 comments:
Life is rough for a lot of people right now so it's easy to feel like you're heading nowhere. The fact that you're actually thinking about it is good, though. You're not just going from day to day, comfortable in your situation. (Kinda hard to be comfortable when there's not enough money, though.)
The biggest problem is figuring out what you actually want to be doing. You've established that you don't like what you're doing now. So what DO you want to do? That's the tough part. Even though I'm in school working toward a 2nd bachelor's degree, I still don't know EXACTLY what I want. Still, the direction I'm facing leads to something desirable and I'm walking forward.
At 35, changing direction and careers is hard, but I never doubt that I'm doing the right thing right now. So just find a direction and go forward. You'll at least end up somewhere other than here. ^_^
True enough. I never gave college a second try, though honestly I never really gave it a first try either. Still, it isn't cheap (as I'm sure you are all too aware of) and, as I learned from a little situation my girlfriend is in now, even financial aid isn't really much help nowadays.
Imagine now, you being told that you've been granted over $6,000 in aid. Oh, but we're only giving you $1,000. Good luck taking classes with that!
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