John Cena

So today had the makings of what would be a first time experience for both myself as well as my girlfriend. Last week I just happened to see a poster in the window at GNC about an autograph signing that was to take place there. Much to my surprise (since this kind of thing doesn't happen all that often), it was an autograph signing by former 3 time WWE Champion, John Cena.

Now my girlfriend, as I'm sure many guys' girlfriends we watch wrestling are, is a big fan of Cena. He is also one of the few wrestlers who she wanted to meet. So I don't need to say that the choice to attend was debated or anything of that sort.

WE.

WERE.

GOING.

So flash forward to today and we arrive at Ala Moana at a little past 9:45 am. To describe the line as "long" just doesn't do it justice. Now for the folks who've been to Ala Moana, picture the GNC store and now imagine a line of human mass just stretched out from there, down to that healthy restaurant at the end (by the escalators below Macy's). And the length of that line did not go down, even at the time we reached the front of the line (at around 12).

Now things got interesting at this point, as people from GNC were making announcements that in order to snap a picture with Cena, people were required to make a purchase. We needed to spend money to take a picture. We waited in line for over 2 hours and we needed to spend money to take a goddamn picture.

I outright refused to do this, mostly because I have no interest in vitamins or powders or that sort of thing. The same rang true for my girlfriend, who couldn't give a rat's ass about whatever GNC was trying to sell off. She just wanted to get it over with by this point.

I even noticed people just casually walking inside, then emerging some minutes later with autographs in hand. Which raised a very intelligent question in my head: What the fuck is this line for again? "I feel stupid" moment number 1.

So after finally reaching the front and finally getting inside, we're stopped dead in our tracks. Other people were getting in ahead of us...

Wait, what? We did our waiting, what more did we have to do?

Oh wait, since we didn't buy shit, we got pushed back and people who spent $150 or more got to go ahead. I hope these fucking people really had a use for all that stuff or else they've gotta be the dumbest sons of bitches I've ever seen (admittedly, I was beginning to feel like a total idiot ("I feel stupid" moment number 2!) for spending this much time for all this, but I was determined to at least get the autograph). Along these lines, people in wheelchairs, crutches and people with medical equipment also followed in this side line.

I casually cracked a joke to my girlfriend that it might have made our wait shorter if she had, I don't know, maybe threw herself down a few flights of stairs before hand?

I got a chuckle in self-humor, she, on the other hand, was fair from being easily amused at this point and promptly struck me with a look of pure evil. Needless to say, that ended my attempt at being funny in that crowded, hot store once and for all.

And all the while, no body bothered to explain this part (about people spending stupid amounts of money to get ahead of the crowd, the elderly or anyone in a cast) to the growing line. I know this probably makes me sounds like a douche, but after standing in line for this long, yeah... I was getting pretty irritated myself over this thing.

So now, NOW it is finally OUR turn to get up there and...

About a little over a minute later, we shake his hand, we get the autograph and it's over.

Just like that.

"I feel stupid" moment number 3 kicks in right about here.

It happened just that damn fast folks and I think it is a fairly safe assumption to say that that will be the last signing we'll attend for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, it was kind of cool to see the guy in person and all. But for all the waiting and stuff in between, like having to buy shit to take a picture, it just wasn't that worth it to me. I understand that they (GNC) is a business and all, but meh.

Oh well, now I know what to expect from this sort of thing. Lesson learned and learned well, now I'm just that much more wiser and now my calves are sore as hell. All of that for a simple signature on a picture.

Did I ever mention that I might be going out of my mind?