It's funny in a way, how things in life work out and how other people's words can actually be true. By this I mean what I was told a few years back by my mom and step dad, about how truly College was important and how I should really be getting into it.
Those words never sounded truer then they do right now.
Basically this came about due to recent happenings at my work place, which has been pretty eye opening on my part. The gist of it is pretty simple: I found out a new worker is getting paid more then I am and is getting away with doing less.
I also understand better and better about how it isn't a good idea about sharing how much money you make, because really...
Never mind. That part isn't all that important now, I mean the "secret" is out anyway right? The bottom line to this goes back to what I said at the beginning. Hey, surprise, surprise... my parents were right after all.
Truth be told, my job is a stock clerk job at a Japanese grocery store. Wow, just typing that out makes me realize how utterly sad that is. The novelty of the position faded fairly quick and within 2-3 months after starting, I began to question my logic in believing this was what I wanted.
But down get me wrong, this entry isn't about placing blame on anyone or anything in that sort. I'm not delusional about my situation, I know for a fact that I put myself here and here is where I've kept myself for the past couple of years now. I also know that this whole shit is getting old and I think my slow brain is finally catching up with reality.
I'm 23 years old and I have absolutely no plan and more so, no direction. I've wasted myself away for 5 years, which means that I've been fucking up since the moment I left home. Imagine the prospect of realizing that little bit?
While I admit that I do lack direction, I suppose the past 5 years have not been for nothing entirely. I mean I am with the girl that I love dearly, with whom I do not regret even a single day of those 5 years. We've gone through thick and thin, through the best of times and even the bitter worst. And yet here we are, still together and still trying and learning.
I'd like to even think that I have grown as a person, that I am better then I was yesterday or last year or the years before that. I mean I speak my mind much more now then I ever have, which again ties into my present situation.
I mean with my previous job (McDonald's), I spent 2 years working there and came out without anything to show for it. Do I want to do that again with my present employer? Short answer: No. And I realize that I will not find a job that will satisfy me by hanging around these dead enders. I don't want to be like so many people I've seen around these companies. 15 years in and looking so brutally miserable for it. Is that what awaits that many years of "service"? If so, then no thanks.
So where does this all leave me? Well, it leaves me in the mess I'm in right now. Where do I go from here? I'd definitely like to find a workplace that I can thrive in and won't feel any misery or regret in. I'd like to grow, yes I know how clichéd that all sounds... but that is the god honest truth folks.
My goals are pretty simple I think: Short term goal is to just stabilize and being able to live life comfortably. Long term? I'd like to improve on my writing, be it going back to college or whatever it requires. I'd like to at least write a book and have it published, that would be cool.
So it goes I guess, another day and another chance at changing. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I say to hell with it all and make the moves to get my life back to where it should be. Or maybe not? Only time will tell I know...
